Sunday, July 10, 2011

Are you Allowing for Resistance?

Have you ever had a break up where you knew the relationship was toxic, but you struggled with letting it go?  Whether it was a love relationship or just a friend, your mind keeps going back to why didn't it work out or I miss him so much!  You make a list of good points versus bad. 

It's obvious that the damage from the minus side was taking its toll on you.  This person is not going to change, but your monkey mind is holding on tight making you miserable with wanting what isn't working.  You have an idea of how your life or the world SHOULD be and life just isn't cooperating with you.

How do you handle it?  Do you get upset with yourself for not being able to logically let go & move on?  What's the deal?  You're a bright educated person here.  Why does do you still feel so crappy about this? 

Or do you allow for that resistance to change?  Allow for those human feelings and emotions.  Allow for the grief of unmet hopes & dreams or for loss.  Allow for what is.   

So many of us get stuck in the why didn't it work out?  Why doesn't ___ (s/he, your parents, a friend...) love/treat me the way I need to be loved/treated?  Why do other people do things that hurt me? 

What if for one moment, you gave yourself permission to feel those feelings without judgement?  What could be possible - self acceptance, less pain, even contentment?

The next time the emotional flood gates open and you find yourself saying "Why do I still feel this way?" - Try something new.  Give yourself permission to feel those feelings.  Notice them, give them some attention.  "Oh!  You're back again, hello - How long do you plan to visit?"  They are just like an errant child who isn't getting the attention s/he wants.  These feelings keep yelling and screaming.  Every time you slam the door in their faces, they get louder and louder with each denial that they should still exist.

You might even try scheduling time to invite these thoughts back in.  By giving your mind permission to have these feelings, rational to you or not, it takes away the power they have over you.  You are accepting what is. 

After all - That which we resists, persists!

Have you tried something that works for you? 
I'd love hearing from you.  Feel free to leave a comment.

As always, contact Jude for more information on how to love the skin you're in and live a life you love! 


Marion Ryan said...

Good post, Jude. We are taught not to show emotion, to be strong, to move on... yet it's important to acknowledge the way we're feeling.

Even setting the timer and saying "right, I'm giving myself 15 minutes to feel all the anger / sadness I want to at that person" can be enough time to 'wallow' and then be able to move on feeling like you gave that difficult emotion air space.


Karlie said...

Thank you Jude for this. It really makes me feel better reading this. At least I know I'm not alone and crazy.

Jude Eastman M.Ed. and IAC/MCC said...

Yes--It's like giving yourself the OK to BM&W (B*t*h Moan & Whine) throughly. Really feel that space with boundaries and parameters so you don't get stuck there.

Jane said...

in a business coaching program you don't always have the privilege to express what you feel. instead i learned how to keep cool and listen to what others feel.